The twins are 6 months old now and I have missed half of a year documenting their lives.
My twin mom BFF, Audi has a blog and she is able to keep up with everything. Any time I ask her how much they weighed at a certain point or when they started doing anything, she is always so quick to answer because all she had to do was refer to her blog.
Here’s hoping I can keep up. Let me do some backing up.
How did we get here.
In November 2015, after unsuccessfully trying for a year to get pregnant, my OB sent me to have a hysterosalpingogram test at the hospital. This is a dye that is inserted and watched through an x-ray to make sure all my tubes were working properly. It was the first step in getting some answers. It was also the last. The radiologist kindly informed me that one of my Fallopian tubes was completely blocked. The other one couldn’t even be detected. Ummm… ok. So now what? When my OB was sent the results she immediately called me. From her cell phone. On her day off. She knows me. I freaked out. What does this mean? What do we do now? Poor Jeremy. If he had known this, would he still have married me? Kind of ironic to remember this part of the conversation, but I told Dr. Callahan “Oh so IVF is my only option? That’s great! I’ve always wanted twins.” Her quick reply “Oh no, Lauren. They would never intentionally transfer 2 embryos. A twin pregnancy is considered a failure.” Side note: When I came back to her pregnant with twins, she just laughed. We both remembered that conversation.
So after the HSG, Dr. C sent us to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Deaton. So many blessings in being referred to him as opposed to anyone else. Several of my friends who walked this journey were sent to another popular fertility clinic in Winston, some were even sent the opposite way to Duke. I was sent to the clinic that was 5 minutes from my school. At the time, that didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t know that there would be weeks when I would have to go to the clinic every. single. day. for blood work during my lunch. Or right after school for ultrasound appointments. God worked out the minute details even before I knew there were details to be worked out.
Because of my diagnosis, we went straight for the big guns: Invitro. Which was good and bad. We didn’t spend years on fertility treatments like some couples have to do. But it also meant that if IVF didn’t work for us, there were no other options. So after we had our initial consult with Dr. Deaton, got all the details in order, and were mentally prepared we were ready. We started March 4, 2016. Prior to that we had to go in for a baseline ultrasound and our medication teaching where I promptly told our dear IVF nurse that I would never inject myself, my precious husband would do it every time. And he sure did. I wish every woman who had to walk this road had a husband as steadfast as mine.
I just knew that IVF was going to work for us the first time. My body responded exactly the way it should have. Dr. Deaton extracted 20 perfect eggs from my body. 17 embryos made it to the 5 day mark. When we went in that Sunday morning for the transfer, there was not a doubt in my mind that in 8 days, I’d know I was pregnant.
On Monday, March 28 Jeremy and I were on our way to Charleston to spend Spring Break with my grandmother. On our way out of town, we stopped at the office to have my blood drawn. The whole way to South Carolina I tried to distract myself, but there was nothing I could have done to prepare for when they called, “Lauren I am so sorry, but you are not pregnant this time.” I still remember exactly where we were. At the end of I-26 passing the Citadel Mall, 15 minutes from Grandma’s house and I begged Jeremy to take me back home. Though my heart was broken I knew that God had a bigger, better plan for us. We chose not to do genetic screening on our embryos so I don’t know the genders of those babies, but I trust God’s sovereignty and am so blessed that He closed the door on that pregnancy so that we would get my precious Sadie and Spencer.
I have always wanted twins for as long as I can remember. My dad has twin brothers and I knew there was a chance that someone in my generation could have twins. I love knowing that even at such a young age, God was preparing my heart for our journey to become parents. When we went in for our first transfer, we had to sign a waiver that acknowledged we went against the RE and the embryologist’s recommendation. They wanted us to transfer one embryo. We wanted two. Twins were what we wanted.
We had to wait a few weeks before we could gear up for the frozen embryo transfer. Though I wanted nothing more than for Jeremy and me to be parents, I had to come to a point of complete surrender: if God chose not to give us biological kids, I was ok with that. My identity did not come from being a mom or a wife. It came from who I am in Christ. And that was enough for me. It had to be. So when we went in for our second transfer, I knew that no matter what happened I was going to be ok. Jeremy and I were going to be ok. Even at my lowest and most discouraging point, I knew that we would always have each other. Though I begged and begged God for a miracle, I knew and trusted that God was faithful and good whether the transfer was successful or not. The morning of our FET, I was reading my Bible and outside of my regular devotion, I was skimming through the Psalms and came across this verse:
I was so encouraged by this and knew in my heart that even if this transfer didn’t work we would one day be parents. Fast forward to June 2. We were right in the middle of state testing at school. I wasn’t expecting the call until that afternoon, so imagine my surprise when I turned my phone on mid-morning and saw a voicemail from Premier Fertility Clinic. I was so scared to listen to it. Somehow I mustered the courage to push play. Seems like it took Brooke forever to finally say “Congratulations Lauren, you’re pregnant.” I fell to my knees in my classroom and couldn’t stop crying, I ran down the hallway to find my school BFF, and then had to turn around because I forgot to call Jeremy! He didn’t answer his phone, so I called his work line. Apparently he was busy with someone because I cried “Jeremy, Brooke just called. Guess what? We’re pregnant!” His response? “That’s great to hear, ma’am. I’ll give you a call back as soon as I can.” Wait, what? I was too ecstatic to even care. How I managed to make it through the rest of that day, I’ll never know. That was over a year ago, and I am still so humbled that God gave us these amazing little blessings.
I wish you could see my view now. I’ve got my feet propped up on the ottoman and over the laptop, I can see my two precious miracles playing in their exersaucers. There are many days the sight of them takes my breath away. Today is one of them.